What would your life be like if you said and believed, "Today is a good day" independent of what actually happened to you? The answer to that question is what it means to be truly happy. However, if you want to discover the answer then you have to ask another question that goes deeper:
"What does my heart truly want?"
It is in the wanting that you discover how to feel truly lasting happiness. Society, and your life's conditioning, have falsely led you to believe that the wantings of your heart must be fulfilled in order for you to be filled with happiness.
But nothing could be further from the truth...
How often have you heard about millionaires who are unhappy, even though they have "everything" anybody could ever want? The reason: Money can never buy what it represents. You hope that by having the money you will be happier, when in reality, most people would gladly give up all the money in the world just to be happy.
In that example about millionaires, you can see that it has nothing to do with acquiring the money, and everything to do with the feeling of being happy. And this is actually true of anything that you want. When your heart has 'holes' in it, when it has those places that are unfulfilled, then no matter what you seek in the outside world, you will never acquire enough to feel whole again. Your acquisitions, at best, will temporarily distract you from the hole you feel inside from feeling un-whole, unworthy, or unloved. In other words, the tangible can never purchase the intangible.
Instead, you must follow your heart's desires. Your heart knows what truly fills you with happiness, yet so often, people ignore those deeper desires because of past conditionings. In your youth, parents, peers, and authority figures, probably told you - in some way or another - that your dreams were childish, that you didn't deserve them, or they justified why you couldn't have them.
And somewhere along the way, you probably started to believe them. :(
Yet nothing could be further from the truth. Your dreams do matter, and in fact, rekindling those dreams is the key to experiencing happiness more fully in your life.
Remember that you don't have to justify to anybody why you want something. Your wants are valid of their own right, regardless of what they are.
Simply experiencing the fullness of your wanting is enough to bring you happiness, and the way to do that is to accept yourself. In fact, nothing is more liberating than giving yourself permission to be exactly as you are right now. Nothing. Justifying your heart's desires is like trying to stop water from going over a waterfall. There is nothing heavier in your heart than telling yourself that you "should" be happy.
That's because when you tell yourself how you "should" be, you restrain yourself from being as you truly are. Your mind then minimizes your experience, puts expectations on what happiness is and should be, and tells you lies like, "If only I were liked more... if only I had more money... if only my husband/wife/best friend would... then I could be happy."
This is also why happiness has nothing to do with what you're getting, and everything to do with what you're getting rid of.
It has to do with getting rid of the past conditionings that restrict your heart's desires. It has to do with getting rid of those expectations you place on yourself about who you should be and how you should be. And experiencing true happiness has to do with getting rid of the belief that acquisitions and experiences will fill the holes in your heart where you wish happiness would take up a permanent residence.
With that in mind, here's a few exercises you can use, right now, to explore how to move from a place of wanting happiness, to experiencing your wants as happiness:
First, write down 10 things that restrict your happiness. These can be expectations you put on yourself, comparisons you make, doubts you have, memories from childhood, or any other number of possibilities. You can probably think of more than 10, but that's a good start.
Once you've done that, reflect on those things and truly feel their weight. Some of them may not feel very good, in fact, they may bring tears to your eyes as you realize how much you've held your heart back from being happy. You may feel anger or resentment towards those people who discouraged your dreams or caused you to feel unhappy. These emotions are natural, and trust me, they're part of the process.
Only when we understand why we have been unhappy are we then enabled to become happy again.
The next step is much simpler, and certainly more enjoyable. Close your eyes and breathe in and out slowly. While you do this, place your mental attention on your heart, and imagine that your breath is going into your heart during your inhale, and out of your heart on the exhale.
I know you're reading this because you want to experience more happiness in your life, and if that's true, then you also need to be willing to do the exercises. What good is going to the doctor and getting a prescription, if you're not going to take the pills? Trust me, these words aren't going anywhere.
So stop for just a minute.
Do the above exercise.
"What does my heart truly want?"
It is in the wanting that you discover how to feel truly lasting happiness. Society, and your life's conditioning, have falsely led you to believe that the wantings of your heart must be fulfilled in order for you to be filled with happiness.
But nothing could be further from the truth...
How often have you heard about millionaires who are unhappy, even though they have "everything" anybody could ever want? The reason: Money can never buy what it represents. You hope that by having the money you will be happier, when in reality, most people would gladly give up all the money in the world just to be happy.
In that example about millionaires, you can see that it has nothing to do with acquiring the money, and everything to do with the feeling of being happy. And this is actually true of anything that you want. When your heart has 'holes' in it, when it has those places that are unfulfilled, then no matter what you seek in the outside world, you will never acquire enough to feel whole again. Your acquisitions, at best, will temporarily distract you from the hole you feel inside from feeling un-whole, unworthy, or unloved. In other words, the tangible can never purchase the intangible.
Instead, you must follow your heart's desires. Your heart knows what truly fills you with happiness, yet so often, people ignore those deeper desires because of past conditionings. In your youth, parents, peers, and authority figures, probably told you - in some way or another - that your dreams were childish, that you didn't deserve them, or they justified why you couldn't have them.
And somewhere along the way, you probably started to believe them. :(
Yet nothing could be further from the truth. Your dreams do matter, and in fact, rekindling those dreams is the key to experiencing happiness more fully in your life.
Remember that you don't have to justify to anybody why you want something. Your wants are valid of their own right, regardless of what they are.
Simply experiencing the fullness of your wanting is enough to bring you happiness, and the way to do that is to accept yourself. In fact, nothing is more liberating than giving yourself permission to be exactly as you are right now. Nothing. Justifying your heart's desires is like trying to stop water from going over a waterfall. There is nothing heavier in your heart than telling yourself that you "should" be happy.
That's because when you tell yourself how you "should" be, you restrain yourself from being as you truly are. Your mind then minimizes your experience, puts expectations on what happiness is and should be, and tells you lies like, "If only I were liked more... if only I had more money... if only my husband/wife/best friend would... then I could be happy."
This is also why happiness has nothing to do with what you're getting, and everything to do with what you're getting rid of.
It has to do with getting rid of the past conditionings that restrict your heart's desires. It has to do with getting rid of those expectations you place on yourself about who you should be and how you should be. And experiencing true happiness has to do with getting rid of the belief that acquisitions and experiences will fill the holes in your heart where you wish happiness would take up a permanent residence.
With that in mind, here's a few exercises you can use, right now, to explore how to move from a place of wanting happiness, to experiencing your wants as happiness:
First, write down 10 things that restrict your happiness. These can be expectations you put on yourself, comparisons you make, doubts you have, memories from childhood, or any other number of possibilities. You can probably think of more than 10, but that's a good start.
Once you've done that, reflect on those things and truly feel their weight. Some of them may not feel very good, in fact, they may bring tears to your eyes as you realize how much you've held your heart back from being happy. You may feel anger or resentment towards those people who discouraged your dreams or caused you to feel unhappy. These emotions are natural, and trust me, they're part of the process.
Only when we understand why we have been unhappy are we then enabled to become happy again.
The next step is much simpler, and certainly more enjoyable. Close your eyes and breathe in and out slowly. While you do this, place your mental attention on your heart, and imagine that your breath is going into your heart during your inhale, and out of your heart on the exhale.
I know you're reading this because you want to experience more happiness in your life, and if that's true, then you also need to be willing to do the exercises. What good is going to the doctor and getting a prescription, if you're not going to take the pills? Trust me, these words aren't going anywhere.
So stop for just a minute.
Do the above exercise.
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