By Alina Mikos
We’ve all been told that “relationships are full of compromise” – and to a large extent, they are. When two people with distinct personalities, desires, and needs merge their lives, there’s bound to be some work ahead. The key is to be flexible in the relationship without feeling like a doormat or compromising your inner values. While there are plenty of things that should be open to negotiation in the partnership, here are a few key elements that make you who you are, that you should never compromise:
1. Identity
The essence of who you are should never be up for compromise. Your unique personality, your hopes and dreams,should be respected and appreciated by your significant other. If you find yourself feeling like you need to give up the things that make you uniquely you in order to fit into your mate’s lifestyle, then you’re compromising too much of yourself.
2. Family
Family units are never perfect, and the mate is often required to cope with as many of your extended family’s problems as you do. Cutting your family out of your life to satisfy your beau is destructive, and will most certainly lead to you resenting your partner for the loss of these precious family ties. With families, both partners need to realize that the healthy compromise comes in accepting their loved one’s family, flaws and all.
3. Friendships
He doesn’t have to like your friends; after all, they are yours and not his. As long as your friendships are healthy and they add something positive to your life, he should not ask you to give them up for him. Again, you will come to resent him for sacrificing the joy you receive from these important relationships.
4. Morals
The basic moral system which most of us have firmly in place in our psyches should always be respected. Loving someone does not mean absorbing their moral values. If you compromise on these, your conscience will suffer, eventually causing you to resent your partner. Better to find a mate with similar moral values that the two of you can use as a guide throughout your lives.
5. Self-Esteem
Any relationship that makes a woman feel bad about herself is an unhealthy one. If making you feel diminished somehow makes him feel more secure, or if pointing out your faults has become his favorite habit, you need to re-evaluate this person’s place in your life. Perhaps the two of you are a poor match. Perhaps, he is looking for an emotional punching bag. Whatever the case, your loved one should appreciate you, admire things about you, and be supportive. If not, cut him loose before more damage is done.
6. Happiness
Happiness comes in many forms in the course of a lifetime. When you find those people, hobbies, and experiences which bring you genuine joy, your loved one should be supportive of these things in your life. If you feel the need to suppress your desires and needs for the good of the relationship, then you are compromising too much.
7. Individuality
Co-dependency can and does happen with some couples, to the point where they forget how to function as separate individuals. Keeping your own personal interests and personality quirks is healthy, no matter how tight the bond between you and your mate. If every sentence you utter has a “we” instead of an “I,” if being separated from your mate for even a short amount of time causes major distress, you have sacrificed your individuality to the relationship. This is certain to cause resentment and identity crises down the line. Appreciate and celebrate your differences, and never stifle those distinctions between the two of you.
If a compromise makes you feel taken advantage of, or lessens you somehow as a person, then it is an unhealthy compromise. The art of compromise must come with mutual respect, good intentions and honesty. A compromise should not diminish either person as an individual, but strengthen the relationship as a whole. Become a master of healthy compromise and see how much happier and healthier your life and relationships become.
We’ve all been told that “relationships are full of compromise” – and to a large extent, they are. When two people with distinct personalities, desires, and needs merge their lives, there’s bound to be some work ahead. The key is to be flexible in the relationship without feeling like a doormat or compromising your inner values. While there are plenty of things that should be open to negotiation in the partnership, here are a few key elements that make you who you are, that you should never compromise:
1. Identity
The essence of who you are should never be up for compromise. Your unique personality, your hopes and dreams,should be respected and appreciated by your significant other. If you find yourself feeling like you need to give up the things that make you uniquely you in order to fit into your mate’s lifestyle, then you’re compromising too much of yourself.
2. Family
Family units are never perfect, and the mate is often required to cope with as many of your extended family’s problems as you do. Cutting your family out of your life to satisfy your beau is destructive, and will most certainly lead to you resenting your partner for the loss of these precious family ties. With families, both partners need to realize that the healthy compromise comes in accepting their loved one’s family, flaws and all.
3. Friendships
He doesn’t have to like your friends; after all, they are yours and not his. As long as your friendships are healthy and they add something positive to your life, he should not ask you to give them up for him. Again, you will come to resent him for sacrificing the joy you receive from these important relationships.
4. Morals
The basic moral system which most of us have firmly in place in our psyches should always be respected. Loving someone does not mean absorbing their moral values. If you compromise on these, your conscience will suffer, eventually causing you to resent your partner. Better to find a mate with similar moral values that the two of you can use as a guide throughout your lives.
5. Self-Esteem
Any relationship that makes a woman feel bad about herself is an unhealthy one. If making you feel diminished somehow makes him feel more secure, or if pointing out your faults has become his favorite habit, you need to re-evaluate this person’s place in your life. Perhaps the two of you are a poor match. Perhaps, he is looking for an emotional punching bag. Whatever the case, your loved one should appreciate you, admire things about you, and be supportive. If not, cut him loose before more damage is done.
6. Happiness
Happiness comes in many forms in the course of a lifetime. When you find those people, hobbies, and experiences which bring you genuine joy, your loved one should be supportive of these things in your life. If you feel the need to suppress your desires and needs for the good of the relationship, then you are compromising too much.
7. Individuality
Co-dependency can and does happen with some couples, to the point where they forget how to function as separate individuals. Keeping your own personal interests and personality quirks is healthy, no matter how tight the bond between you and your mate. If every sentence you utter has a “we” instead of an “I,” if being separated from your mate for even a short amount of time causes major distress, you have sacrificed your individuality to the relationship. This is certain to cause resentment and identity crises down the line. Appreciate and celebrate your differences, and never stifle those distinctions between the two of you.
If a compromise makes you feel taken advantage of, or lessens you somehow as a person, then it is an unhealthy compromise. The art of compromise must come with mutual respect, good intentions and honesty. A compromise should not diminish either person as an individual, but strengthen the relationship as a whole. Become a master of healthy compromise and see how much happier and healthier your life and relationships become.
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