The Blame Game

By Carmen Honacker

Who’s Playing It and Why

There is a short and a long answer to this question. Short answer: “Almost everyone is playing it. Because it is easier than looking at yourself in the mirror.”

“Blame.” The mere word suggests that something shady is going on. This word hardly ever has a positive ring to it, because it usually implies trying to “pin” fault on another. Most of us learn how to do it when we are little by watching our parents and peers and a whole lot of us never learn how to actually be accountable or take responsibility for our own actions. After all, that would mean we’d have to look at our own stuff, and god forbid, do some work.

Human beings generally resist change, and most downright despise having to work for anything that doesn’t hail instant reward or gratification. We live in a society that teaches us that we should have a sense of entitlement and that looking the other way is not only acceptable, but makes life easier. We don’t like getting involved, not with others, and sure as hell not with ourselves. We do a lot of blaming, denying, avoiding and “existing.” We do a lot of sleepwalking, and we’d rather engage in the status quo than question the system.

We do this year after year and we live mediocre, miserable lives, which we blame on our surroundings, circumstances, upbringing or on our lack of (beauty, wealth, health, etc.). We may be highly intelligent, but when it comes to our emotions, we don’t do the math. We find ourselves time after time in the same “bad” situations and somehow never add up that it might be us. Humans are the only intelligent creatures who do not learn from their mistakes.

When we blame we imply that we are right. Being right is the number one reason we fight, because ego keeps us alive. We also imply that we don’t need to adjust our own attitude. We do this by making the same points, with the same people with the same lack of success. We truly are the best example of insanity. When we run out of excuses, we fall into the victim mode and assemble; in other words, we find those who will agree with us. We keep building an opinion poll until we have successfully drowned out any logic or reason and hence, continue on our path of craziness.

Why is it so easy to do this? Because one of the most feared traits within human beings is conflict or confrontation. Hence, it is much easier to find those who (silently) agree, than those who call us on our own crap. And of course, because the majority consists of (excuse the harsh word) cowards, it is easier to get the buy-in from the majority.

Take a good look around you and tell me how many inspiring people you see? Now take a look and tell me how many followers you see. We are, by design, herd animals and we function better when we feel validated by the herd. One could even say that we are highly evolved lemmings.

We are so easily manipulated via our emotions that we follow all kinds of crazy ideas, ideologies, statements and people. This is how religion and politics work. They appeal to our emotions, not our logic, and the fact remains that most of us are emotional creatures, even if we are totally unaware of it! If I tell you the things that feed and validate your fears, paranoia and insecurities, I will not only have an impact on you, but possibly a follower, too. It appears as if inspiring people have the most followers, but sadly, it only appears that way. The ones who tell us what we want to hear and ask us for the least amount of effort will generally get our voice and devotion. In theory we want to be challenged, in practice we want to really not move a finger and have things fall into our laps.

I have spent over 20 years studying different philosophies, religions, psychology, psychiatry and scientific papers to figure out human behavior. Alas, I still come up short-handed. I still don’t know how you can put two kids into an equally miserable environment and one comes out a sociopath, while the other one ends up a doctor, helping people. I don’t understand why some have an uncanny self-awareness that allows them to rise above all their hardships, while others fall apart at every little thing. I have yet to find a single philosophy, religion or science that helps me understand the total irrational behaviors of people.