Every time someone pulls the wool over our eyes we scratch our heads and wonder if we truly didn’t see the writing on the walls. We wonder why we didn’t recognize a bad friend, co-worker or partner. The problem is not that we didn’t see it coming. The problem is that we are generally unwilling to listen. We don’t trust our own instincts and we tend to romanticize those who we have chosen as partners or friends; and we might feel ashamed for having hired someone we shouldn’t have. But there are a few ways to spot those with a strong character, which will allow you to make an informed decision in what capacity you’d like that person in your life; if at all.
First of all, observing a person’s behavior over time really is your friend. Any mask and facade can only be upheld for so long, until it starts cracking or completely falling apart. One of the biggest indicators of someone with a great character is how they handle their life in times of stress, when they are criticized/confronted or experience failure; in other words, when things don’t go their way and not all is rosy. Pressure truly reveals who someone is at their core and what coping skills they have. Why? Because those with strong character compose themselves with grace, dignity and kindness, no matter how bad it gets. Going through difficult or hard times never gives reason to act like a jerk. And, a person with strong character won’t always make it about themselves, while selfishly disregarding another’s view or opinion. They don’t have their head stuck up their butts, unable to see anything outside of their own box and bleak reality, and because of that they know how to forgive, let go and move on.
Strong character is usually fueled by integrity, honesty, fairness, kindness and strength. Therefore, consistent actions of douche baggery, egotism, victimhood, fear, anger, jealousy or imbalance are not sported, because a strong character has no need for those. It is absolutely normal for anyone to handle things the wrong way sometimes, but the sum of our actions is what defines us; not our occasional words or displays of doing the right thing. Don’t listen to excuses like “well, these were special circumstances,” or “I have been going through a hard time.” We all go through hard times now and then. It doesn’t give us the right to lash out, to insult people or take our moods and attitude out on them; it doesn’t give us the right for attitude, period. Anyone who notoriously sports moody behavior, who can’t be trusted and requires a constant tiptoeing, i.e. censorship of one’s actions or words is not worth catering to. Any relationship, personal or professional, requires a consistent flow of giving and taking. When things are always off balance it is time to reevaluate if it is worth continuing interaction with that person.
Unhealthy souls have a way of attracting more of the same, namely more stress, drama and pain. They are never in a space of true happiness; they don’t know joy and any success they may feel is short-lived. The glass is always half empty for them, no matter how good they have it or what happens, because they have long lost, or maybe never even learned the ability to enjoy anything in life. They have come to rely on their own misery, worry and lack of anything good to define how their life unfolds.
I noticed that everyone I have ever met with amazing character has lost a great deal in life at some point; they have endured great hardships or pain and within all of that have learned to not take things for granted and to appreciate people and situations more, while complaining and whining less. They have learned to be kinder and more patient because they know how it felt at some point and time to be on the other side of the spectrum. They have learned what truly matters in life and therefore waste no time on those who didn’t learn it. And while I still do not understand why some who endure pain turn into monsters, while others turn into heroes, I do know that true loss or dire consequences to one’s own created misery have created some of the most amazing people I have ever encountered.
It is difficult to swim against the stream and to do what is right, especially when there are those who keep making excuses for us, support us or enable us in our BS. But at the end of the day, those who can’t learn, are those who won’t grow. And those who won’t grow, are those who’ll stay down in the black hole of mere existence.
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