By Aine Belton
Confidence shifts your orientation, perspectives, motivation, and expectations.
Think of something you desire in your life, a goal or dream you’ve been wanting to manifest, something you’re passionate about that enthuses you.
If you had 100% confidence, how might you go about achieving that goal? What steps would you take that you’re not taking now? What thoughts would you think? What expectations, emotions, actions and choices would you have around your goal? And how might your goal itself grow, expand and become brighter?
Exciting stuff hey!
And how does that feel? Good yeah?
Even from this brief exercise, I’m sure you can already experience the effects of confidence and the high levels of energy, motivation, enthusiasm – inspiration even – that it grants.
When you are confident you dare to follow your heart! You dream bigger, and act bigger, hence achieve bigger, even if that means running the risk of failing bigger!
One of the traits of confidence is that you are willing to risk failing because you believe in yourself enough to know that you will cope either way, so you take bolder actions in the pursuit of your dreams and living the life you love.
If you’re insecure you will fear failure and rejection more, because you doubt how you will cope with that, hence are more timid with your actions. Confidence and self-belief, however, act rather like insurance, that make taking risks an exciting and worthwhile venture.
Mistakes can actually build confidence, because when you rise after a fall, which you inevitably will, you have greater faith in yourself. You brush yourself and think, “Hey, that wasn’t so bad, what was I so frightened of?” You might feel a sense of delight and victory at having faced your fears and come out the other side, whether you succeeded in your initial aim or not. Sometimes the experience itself, and what you learn from it, is the real win.
If you were so scared of falling off a bike that you never got on one, you’d never learn how to ride. You’d also carry a sense of failure and regret at not attempting, and a loss at missing out in the joys of the experience. Scrapes in life can be part of your journey of growth. They can also help polish you and unleash inner strengths and gifts you did not even know were there!
When you learn to deal with stressful, uncomfortable or challenging life circumstances, and realize there can also often be a gift inherent within them – perhaps a needed change, a healing opportunity, letting go, a growth experience, or greater insight into existing beliefs, patterns, strengths and weaknesses – you grow in confidence.
Shying away from challenges doesn’t make them disappear, and avoiding your fears only shrinks your confidence, rather than expands it.
Before I look at some of the allies to confidence below and in Part 3 of this series, let’s look at some of what stands in the way.
The beliefs you hold about yourself and who you are, which may be hidden and repressed, affect how you think and feel, and how you perceive, manifest, interact with and experience reality. They impact the types of relationships you attract, how you behave and respond, the amount of love you allow yourself to receive, and the levels of success you achieve.
What’s important to note here is that beliefs are not the truth! They are agreements and assumptions, most of which were formed at a young age from childhood experiences and what you learned about yourself and the world from your parents, siblings, and significant people and events in your life.
Negative beliefs like ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I’m unlovable’, ‘I’m bad’, ‘I’m wrong’, ‘I don’t deserve’, etc., can be extremely detrimental, as I’m sure you can understand.
Just think how DIFFERENT your life would be if you had positive self-affirming beliefs in all areas, like “I am loved, loving and loveable, ever and always”.
How would you think, feel, behave and interact with empowering beliefs that made you feel great about yourself and others? What kind of thoughts, feelings, actions, relationships, successes and triumphs would you experience as reflections of those beliefs?
And how much more confident would those beliefs make you feel?
The good news is you can CHANGE your beliefs, whatever they currently are!
There are a number of resources available for doing this, such as the Belief Buster Kit, NLP, EFT, Psych-K, Theta Healing and others, and never underestimate the power of choice!
Change your beliefs and you WILL change your world!
Positive self-beliefs lay a foundation of true confidence that attracts success with grace and ease. You will also simply GLOW!
Negative self-concepts and beliefs about who you are stand in the way of your shiny nature, and sharing that bright happy self with others.
Real confidence arises naturally from a sense of self-worth. Your worth is innate. It is a given. You are worthy simply because you are alive, and you are loved totally and unconditionally by the source of creation.
Your worth does not need proving, it simply needs OWNING!
Start by loving and accepting yourself for who and where you are right now! You may be blind to your true value, or at least to the full extent of it. It is so much more vast and beautiful than anything you may yet be aware of or able to imagine.
You are a being of love and light, however far you ever feel from that at any time. This is the truth of who you are! Awakening and remembering the love that you are has the power to transform your life on all levels, and will grant a new-found confidence unlike any other.
What beliefs are standing in the way of experiencing your true loving, happy, bright nature?
What types of negative comments do you hear yourself say about yourself, or feelings do you experience about yourself?
Some of these may come out of past deeds and traits you have not forgiven yourself for, which is why self-forgiveness is a valuable part of a journey to confidence. It will help you release more of any guilt, shame, or self-condemnation, which will only work against you and shroud the sunny rays of confidence.
Guilt is like a dark sticky energy and has no redeeming features. Some people believe guilt is noble, or necessary in some way, yet you can have a conscience and work from principles without needing guilt to set anything straight – for it never does. Guilt is simply an ego trap and form of self-punishment that won’t serve you or anything you feel guilty towards.
When you feel guilty you also close down more of the love and light within that is what you and others need most. Furthermore, the worse you feel about yourself, the worse you are likely to behave. Guilt often compounds negative traits whereas forgiveness heals and releases them.
Say no to it guilt. Quit it, now! 
Instead, recognize, acknowledge, forgive, and change.
As you accept yourself as you are, you more easily let go of what you’re not. Being kind and compassionate with yourself is far more potent a transformer than guilt will ever be, and will benefit not only you, but others also.
To attain true confidence, start by accepting yourself, forgiving yourself if necessary, and letting yourself off the hook! Own your inherent worth and love, and give yourself permission to SHINE!
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