Face Up to Conflict With Grace

Conflict is a normal interaction between living beings, including all humans. All people find themselves in conflict with others sometimes, even the best of friends,most amorous lovers, closest families, and the most cordial of business associates. Conflict needn’t be devastating, good outcomes depend upon everyone feeling as if they have been heard.

Conflict is usually defined as a disagreement in which at least one party perceives a threat to his or her well-being, their needs, or their interests. If we feel threatened, it’s tough to remain peaceful and open to new ideas. But with a little practice, you can teach yourself to set aside the fight or flight instinct and enjoy the opportunity toembrace positive change.

Try these tips for keeping an open mind when trying to resolve sensitive issues.

1. When conflict arises, get control of your feelings before you engage in discussion. You can’t hear anyone, or know what you think if you’re ears are flaming red and steam comes out from under your collar.

2. Gather your thoughts. Do a few Yoga breaths or some belly breathing to calm yourself and center the feelings you have surrounding the issue.

3. Carefully choose your battles and your priorities. Don’t dive in and fight about everything that ever happened between you, you won’t be able to take in real information. Decide what really matter to you and be willing, no, be eager to understand how the other person sees things.

4. Practice reflective listening. When the other person speaks, be quiet, clear impulsive replies from your mind, and take in, without judging, what is said to you. Then repeat it in your words, beginning with, “I think you said…” and ending with, “Did I hear that correctly?”

5. Count two beats before responding to anything. That brief time allows you to digest what was said to you. Again, eliminating those programmed, quickly hurled, automatic responses leaves room for you to understand another point of view.

6. Try to remain centered on facts and real feelings. In your mind, filter out what your opponent says that’s simply geared toward pushing your buttons.

7. Force yourself to reach out for the other person’s perspective. For a moment, actively block your own thoughts and look forward eagerly to hearing a new slant on things.

8. Allow all ideas to have merit. You needn’t agree with everything anyone says, but if you don’t hear them, you’ll miss opportunities to grow and learn. Whether you’re arguing with your lover or resolving issues in a staff meeting, reserve plenty of time for all parties to say what they have on their minds.

9. Dump the idea that the only right point of view is your own. If you’re willing to just consider another way of thinking, you might find something exciting coming your way.

10. Welcome diversity and teach yourself not to fear conflict. Some of the most important advances in our society have risen from conflict.

For normal, healthy people, fighting isn’t fun. We engage in conflict so that we can establish boundaries, rules, and customs. If you welcome an exchange of ideas without feeling threatened, and respect the diversity that makes us all valuable contributors, your open-minded attitude may help you learn new things and sometimes bring others around to your way of thinking.

Forgive and Let Go of Negative Emotions

Forgiving other people for their actions, mistakes and comments is a healthy practice. We may not realize how much holding a grudge can make us unhealthy. A long lasting grudge can keep an individual back in life and present stress-related health problems. By using the art of forgiving and moving on with our lives we can find the freedom we have been looking for.

People that are filled with hatred towards another person may suffer from illness early in life. The hatred grows and blocks the peaceful energy we have within our bodies and minds. It has been shown that people with hostility, anger and hatred suffer from cardiovascular problems, mental health complications and a general all over feeling of sickness. By replacing the hatred and anger with forgiveness we can release ourselves from the dungeon we have put ourselves in. Here is how you can practice forgiving and change your life.

The art of forgiving is just that; an art. It can be colorful, abstract and you can paint your own picture of forgiveness. Sometimes forgiveness does not have to be done face to face or with the person you hold anger towards. You can practice the art of forgiving by yourself and allow yourself to be free once again. Many people practice forgiving alone and still find the results beneficial. You can write down all of your feelings in a journal or on paper and burn it to allow yourself to be free of it all. Some individuals forgive others and move on easily. Others may find it extremely difficult if trauma or loss was involved.

Talk to someone you trust and care about. Share and vent your feelings about this person. Ask them to just listen and not to try and fix this matter. You will feel that the more you release out into the open, the more stress-free you will become. If you do not have someone close to you, try going to a counselor or therapist to work through your anger and hostility. You don’t need to suffer alone.

Why yell at someone? Or confront your villain? It could only lead to more complications and sometimes dangerous situations. If you feel the need to directly forgive the individual that has hurt you, you can sit down in a calm mature manner and say what you need to say. You can also write them a letter and have them read it in front of you if you find you cannot say how much they hurt you to their face. Let go of your negative thoughts and forgive. Allow your words to sink in and then try telling them that you forgive them for the actions they took. Both of you will be able to move on in a healthier state through your individual lives. You may not forget the pain, but forgiveness can break the wall that has been blocking you in life, providing you with more opportunities for love and friendship.

Channel Energy to Heal Your Chakras

There are times in life when emotions hit us hard. We often look externally for help when we need support however it’s those times that really require us to look inward. We hold within ourselves the ability to heal and calm our emotions by harnessing the energy that surrounds us. We have to trust that we have the power to do so and we have to have the right tools to access the energy. Energy flows through us and around us all the time. If we can harness that energy, we can heal our bodies and emotions.

Chakras are the body’s energy centers that correspond not only with different aspects of our lives (safety, truth, intuition, etc.) but they also have ruling emotions and their counterparts. Chakra literally means wheel but I think of them more as three dimensional spheres of healing energy. Harnessing the spheres takes focus and a bit of visualization. There are two emotions that cause the most trauma and heartache: grief and fear.

Grief

Healing grief can be tricky. There was a time in my life when I couldn’t even say the word without being reduced to tears. I had experienced so much emotional trauma that it became stuck in my heart in an unyielding way. When I started to say the word grief over and over—in an effort to heal—it felt as though my heart were breaking. I realized the only thing I could do was to create more love in my heart, something I was so fearful of. You can mend the grief stricken heart by releasing it to make room for more love.

Begin by visualizing a sphere of energy in front of you. The sphere is green on the outside and pink in the center, like the colors of watermelon. There are the colors of the heart chakra which is ruled by love and defeated by grief. Imagine putting your grief, every last painful bit of it, into a hole at the top. Now think of something or someone that makes you feel a great deal of love and happiness. Take the energy of love you feel and use it to close the hole and surround the sphere. Now send it away. Watch it float far away from you. As it floats away, you feel less grief and when it’s completely gone from your sight it’s now released for good.

Fear

Ever feel butterflies in your stomach just above your belly button? They are tickling your Solar Plexus chakra which is the ruler of confidence and the defeater of fear. Fear can cause you to act and react in ways that are often contrary to what’s best for you. There is a time when acting out of fear is useful—when a bear is chasing you—but often that fear depletes our ability to act with confidence. Healing yourself of fear and increasing your self confidence isn’t an easy visualization. Thoughts of doubt will come floating in and out. Just know that the more you practice this, the better you’ll become at quickly sweeping out any fears that creep in.

Begin by visualizing a bright golden light the size of a walnut in your solar plexus. Think about any time that you’ve felt fearful. It doesn’t matter when or what it was. Start to expand your bright light of the solar plexus as you repeat to yourself “I am” and think about a time when you were full of confidence. Expand the empowered feeling through the light as it completely pushes out any feelings of doubt or fear. Once the fear is gone, try expanding the light a bit further from your body as you imagine others seeing this rediscovered confidence. You had it all the time, you just needed to access it.

How to Become Financially Independent in Seven Years or Less

By Mark Ford, editor, The Palm Beach Letter
You are middle aged. Your net worth is meager. Your income is barely sufficient to meet expenses... And those expenses are going up. The Great Recession is looming. Economists are predicting things will get worse. What can you do?

Should you give up your dream of retiring comfortably one day? Should you accept a future of increasingly meager existence? Should you grow bitter and curse the powers that be for putting you in this situation?

Or should you take responsibility for your situation and make changes

That last question was rhetorical, of course. But sometimes, I wonder if people really do understand their options. There are things that happen in life that we can't control. But we can control the way we respond to them.

I understand that when you are halfway through your life and are barely making ends meet, it seems like the only chance to become financially successful is to win the lottery (either an actual lottery or the stock market equivalent of one). So it may be frustrating to hear some rich guy from Palm Beach telling you that you can't quickly turn $25,000 into $1 million by investing in stocks.

But I believe – no, I am certain – that anyone who has modest intelligence and a positive attitude can become financially independent in seven years or less if he or she is willing to work enormously hard.

You do not have to give up on your dream of being wealthy. You always have the ability to change your financial life. It will take a bit of time and patience. And it will require that you change some of the thoughts and feelings you have about wealth and your relationship to wealth.

 The first thing you must do is accept the fact that you are solely and completely responsible for your current financial situation. Before you react defensively, read that sentence again... I didn't say you are the cause of your situation. I said you are responsible for it.

By taking responsibility for your current condition, you also assume responsibility for your future. Nobody can change your fortune but you. And nobody else will. The sooner you accept that reality, the sooner you will shed the anger and blame and begin to feel financially powerful.

I'm not giving you a pep talk. I'm telling you the truth. I've done it myself, and I've coached dozens of people to do it, too. It is a simple adjustment of your thinking, but it is extremely powerful. It works instantaneously. Without it, you cannot move forward, even by a single inch.

The next thing you must do is set realistic expectations. I've had people tell me that they don't want to make 10% or 15% per year on their money. They think returns like that are "ho-hum." They want some incredible stock tip or some secret get-rich-quick technique. But when I hear people say that, I think, "This person will never become wealthy."

Realize that 10%-15% is a high rate of return. Warren Buffett – the most successful investor of all time and the third-richest person on the planet – has averaged 19% on his investments over his entire career.

And realize that the journey to millions of dollars is earned $100 at a time. You must be willing to accept this fact to move your financial life forward. Your financial life is like a train that has stalled. And right now, you want to be driving it at 100 miles an hour. But it can't go from zero to 100 miles an hour in no time flat. Inertia is against you. Be happy with 10 miles an hour now... and then 20... and then 30. This is how wealth accumulates: gradually at first, but eventually at lightning speed.

The third thing you must do is thoroughly understand the difference between spending, saving, and investing. With every paycheck you get, cover your necessary expenses first (bills, mortgage, etc.). Then put some money toward saving. And then put some money toward investing. Then and only then – after you have "paid yourself" – should you add to your "spending" account.

The fourth thing you must do is recognize that your net investible income (the amount of cash you have after spending and saving) is the single most important factor in determining how quickly you will become wealthy.

 Commit to adding to your income with a second income. Make an honest count of the number of hours each month you devote to television and other non-productive activities. Devote them to wealth-building instead. Cast aside the comfortable shoes of victimization. Put on the working boots of a financial hero.

It's not fun to realize, in the midst of your life, that you haven't acquired the wealth you want. But the good news is your past doesn't have to be a prologue... unless you allow it to. You can change your fortunes today by doing the four things I've just told you to do. 

Get Over it and Get On With It!

We’ve all done it. A bad day at work, a particular person who was rude or took advantage of us, the traffic or lines holding us up from something. Whatever the scenario, the method many of us use to deal with the aftermath is to verbally vent about the situation. While this may seem like a good way to de-stress, it may actually cause more harm than good. Let’s look at why this is the case!

The Snowball Effect

Similar to the theory on the law of attraction, focusing on something can actually fuel the fire and allows you to perpetuate those feelings of frustration, stress and anger. Similarly, like a snowball rolling down a hill, gaining speed and size, so can your emotions worsen a negative situation. “Venting” can actually reinforce aggressive impulses, making you feel worse than if you had simply let the situation roll over you leaving no marks. While some venting may be a cathartic way to release negative thoughts and feelings, there are better methods within reach!

Taking the Higher Ground

While talking through problems can be effective, putting a proper spin to this strategy is the best way to go. Using more effective coping methods such as humor, acceptance, and a change in perspective are surefire ways to come out ahead in such situations, as opposed to stewing in a nasty brew of negative emotions. Laughing about an uncomfortable circumstance is a great and healthy way to alleviate stress, as is accepting a scenario for what it is. By doing these things, you allow your perspective to shift from frustration and anger to something constructive.

While the act of venting imight have an upside, spending too much energy and time replaying a negative loop in your head will not aide you in overcoming the situation. So next time you find yourself righteously complaining about a scenario in which you are badly treated, you can pause, take a deep breath and consider these more constructive ways to come out on top!

Learn to Judge Correctly Before It’s Too Late!

Every time someone pulls the wool over our eyes we scratch our heads and wonder if we truly didn’t see the writing on the walls. We wonder why we didn’t recognize a bad friend, co-worker or partner. The problem is not that we didn’t see it coming. The problem is that we are generally unwilling to listen. We don’t trust our own instincts and we tend to romanticize those who we have chosen as partners or friends; and we might feel ashamed for having hired someone we shouldn’t have. But there are a few ways to spot those with a strong character, which will allow you to make an informed decision in what capacity you’d like that person in your life; if at all.

First of all, observing a person’s behavior over time really is your friend. Any mask and facade can only be upheld for so long, until it starts cracking or completely falling apart. One of the biggest indicators of someone with a great character is how they handle their life in times of stress, when they are criticized/confronted or experience failure; in other words, when things don’t go their way and not all is rosy. Pressure truly reveals who someone is at their core and what coping skills they have. Why? Because those with strong character compose themselves with grace, dignity and kindness, no matter how bad it gets. Going through difficult or hard times never gives reason to act like a jerk. And, a person with strong character won’t always make it about themselves, while selfishly disregarding another’s view or opinion. They don’t have their head stuck up their butts, unable to see anything outside of their own box and bleak reality, and because of that they know how to forgive, let go and move on.

Strong character is usually fueled by integrity, honesty, fairness, kindness and strength. Therefore, consistent actions of douche baggery, egotism, victimhood, fear, anger, jealousy or imbalance are not sported, because a strong character has no need for those. It is absolutely normal for anyone to handle things the wrong way sometimes, but the sum of our actions is what defines us; not our occasional words or displays of doing the right thing. Don’t listen to excuses like “well, these were special circumstances,” or “I have been going through a hard time.” We all go through hard times now and then. It doesn’t give us the right to lash out, to insult people or take our moods and attitude out on them; it doesn’t give us the right for attitude, period. Anyone who notoriously sports moody behavior, who can’t be trusted and requires a constant tiptoeing, i.e. censorship of one’s actions or words is not worth catering to. Any relationship, personal or professional, requires a consistent flow of giving and taking. When things are always off balance it is time to reevaluate if it is worth continuing interaction with that person.

Unhealthy souls have a way of attracting more of the same, namely more stress, drama and pain. They are never in a space of true happiness; they don’t know joy and any success they may feel is short-lived. The glass is always half empty for them, no matter how good they have it or what happens, because they have long lost, or maybe never even learned the ability to enjoy anything in life. They have come to rely on their own misery, worry and lack of anything good to define how their life unfolds.

I noticed that everyone I have ever met with amazing character has lost a great deal in life at some point; they have endured great hardships or pain and within all of that have learned to not take things for granted and to appreciate people and situations more, while complaining and whining less. They have learned to be kinder and more patient because they know how it felt at some point and time to be on the other side of the spectrum. They have learned what truly matters in life and therefore waste no time on those who didn’t learn it. And while I still do not understand why some who endure pain turn into monsters, while others turn into heroes, I do know that true loss or dire consequences to one’s own created misery have created some of the most amazing people I have ever encountered.

It is difficult to swim against the stream and to do what is right, especially when there are those who keep making excuses for us, support us or enable us in our BS. But at the end of the day, those who can’t learn, are those who won’t grow. And those who won’t grow, are those who’ll stay down in the black hole of mere existence.

 is that it’s done without your awareness. Today, we’re going to bring these actions out into the open, where we can discuss your options. On occasion, your best defense is to remove yourself from the toxic person. However, some manipulators behave the way they do, because you’ve made it easy for them. If you are unknowingly reinforcing their behavior, the good news is that these relationships can be salvaged. In this article, we will discuss the most prevalent tactics of manipulation, how to identify them, and what you can to do to defend yourself against them.

Belittlers

Dating partners who deliberately belittle in attempts to control you, are one of the worse types of manipulators. These people may say you’re not worthy of their company, or may be more subtle, as in telling you, “You’ll never find a man/woman willing to put up with you like I do.” Your best defense is to give these people clear consequences for their actions. These people thrive from your reinforcement of accepting their insultswithout fighting back. Instead, make it clear what will happen if they continue to act or say things that are demeaning to you. However, you must follow through with your threat. These partners will never treat you as an equal, unless you put the same amount of pressure on them to change, as they do for you to conform.

Guilt Imposers

Partners who manipulate relationships by guilt, understand they have a strong hand when dealing with a person of a caring nature. They may claim their problems are your fault, making you feel like you have to put up with them, otherwise they will be placed in an even worse position than they already are. In a sense, they are telling you that by going out with them, you have become indebted to their happiness. The best way to deal with this kind of guilt is to appeal to the person’s self-image. Lay out the terms, telling them that you’re sorry they’re going through a tough time, but you need a strong partner who can take care of themselves. If that doesn’t bring them around, they are not ready to accept responsibility for their own life, and you’re better off without them.

Love Burglars

Manipulative daters sometimes use conditional love to shape the tendencies of their partner. Whenever you do what they want, they will offer kindness, attention, and love. However, the moment you fail to reach their expectations. They take it away, demanding you to relinquish to their terms. Your defense is not to fall for the inclination to give-in to make things better. If you give into their fits, even just once, they will learn that the best way to manipulate what they need, is by using love as a bargaining tool.

Up and Downers

These manipulative daters often fear intimacy, so they maintain a balancing act of both good and bad moments throughout the relationship. This keeps things from escalating to a commitment. The reason this works is because the sad times influence a partner with low self-esteem to accept the poor treatment in order to regain the favor of their lover. The good times reinforce their commitment, by strengthening their belief that they must be in a blissful relationship. While you may not always be happy, you should never feel you have to beg for your partner’s forgiveness to reap a small reward. Your best defense is to remind yourself that a person who intentionally hurts you, it not worth your time. Take advantage of their next low, and find somebody else.

Promise Breakers

These manipulators get what they want by making promises they won’t keep. They’re not all bad, as some just like the attention, or don’t have the backbone to tell a guy/girl they’re not interested. Their intention may be there, but when it comes time to deliver, there isn’t enough motivation to get the job done. In defense, you should never loan anything of value to someone you don’t know. In addition, when in doubt you should ask for the promise prior to holding up your end of the bargain. For example, if a partner promises not to lie if you take them back, tell them that you will, but first they must regain your trust. This is one way to establish consequences for their actions, while giving them the opportunity to avoid punishment in the future, by proving to be genuine with their commitments.

Avoiding manipulation can be difficult, as its core design is to be imposed without your awareness. However, if you are unhappy in your relationship, and do not feel secure with your partner, there’s a chance someone’s intentions are not as honorable as they should be. Use these tips to catch them in the act before it’s too late.